TWO YEAR MEN'S Degree (Contributed by Katsuey Kat). Is This Men Bashing? - Editor. Rated PG
TWO YEAR MEN'S DEGREE
A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Man). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Fall Schedule
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You Too Can do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like an JackAss When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001B What's Yours is Half Hers (Must Pass ECON 1A)
SECOND YEAR
Fall Schedule
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down (Elective - See
Electives Below)
Winter Schedule
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise-Especially Naked
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important
Spring Schedule
MEN 220 Omitting @&%~&*! From Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Passing Gas is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is Not Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important
Course Electives
EAT 101 Cooking with Quiche
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discretely
MEN 231 Mother-in-Law
MEN 232 Appear to be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say Yes Dear
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 1B)
Questions and Answers
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized !"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy: Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the ends of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
When women take over
Fewer women will be dieting because their ideal weight standard will
increase by 35 pounds.
Shopping will be considered an aerobic activity.
PMS will be a legitimate defense in court.
Singles bars will have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
Men will not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
All men will be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.
During mid-life crisis, men will get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds.
Overweight men will have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
Men will be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
Men will sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
All toilet seats will be nailed down.
Men will bring drinks, chips and dips to women watching soap operas.
Men will be judged entirely by their looks, women by their
accomplishments.
On The Other Hand...Why Men Are Glad They Are Men
Why men are glad they're men:
Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about military tanks
. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy
for hours without ever thinking:
"He must be mad at me."
Same work - more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000.
Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with So, notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice growing a mustache
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN AND STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: Cheryl Agne
He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He does not get lost all the time; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a total ass; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
He does not have a rich daddy; he is a RECIPIENT OF PARENTAL ASSET INFUSION.
He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
He does not have a hot body; he is PHYSICALLY COMBUSTIBLE.
He is not unsophisticated; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.
He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.
He is not a bad dancer; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He is not a sex machine; he is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He does not hog the blankets; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.
He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
Santa's Not A Man (Katsuey)
I think Santa Claus is a woman....
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a "she." Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
* Men can't pack a bag
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as
anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
* Having to do the Ho Oh Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I
can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men....
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons
Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.
But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
2.) You step out of your room and realize that your spouse has moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
3.) Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
4.) Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
5.) You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,
like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
6.) You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
7.) Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you
see a new WWW site address on TV.
8.) You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can
hear if new e-mail arrives.
9.) Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you
of what she looks like.
10.) All of your friends have an @ in their names.
11.) When looking at a web page full of someone else's links,
you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
12.) Your dog has its own home page.
13.) You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.
14.) You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you
check it again.
15.) Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.
16.) You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
17.) You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends,
because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
18.) Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.
19.) You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and
check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
20.) You tell the kids they can't use the computer because
"Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
21.) You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
22.) Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
23.) You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with
Netscape 3.0 or higher."
24.) You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your
ISP... because you never log off.
25.) The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.
26.) You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the
chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
27.) Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...
so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so
the two of you can chat.
28.) As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain
road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
"I need three important people to send my message out to all people -
Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them:
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and
told them:
"I have Good news and Bad News:
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced:
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type
the letter 'P' ! to bring up the Program Manager."
Overheard in a computer shop:
1. A number of different approaches are being tried.
2. Close project coordination.
3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
4. Major technological breakthrough!
5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured.
6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
7. Test results were extremely gratifying!
8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
9. It is in process.
10. We will look into it.
11. Please note and initial.
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking.
13. Give us your interpretation.
14. See me or let's discuss.
15. All new.
16. Rugged.
17. Robust!
18. Light weight.
19. Years of development.
20. Energy saving.
21. No maintenance.
22. Low maintenance.
23. Fax me the data.
24. We are following the standard!
25. I didn't get your e-mail.
"Being one of the two trainers who'll be helping people
(particularly our WP power users) make the switch, does
anyone know of any good training resources or books that
might help?"
"Thanks!"
Dick Johns reponse (which we loved)
"You might try the Bible or the Koran and pray a lot. . ."
"bigger Grin"
dick johns
Poster - >>I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question but I would comment that I believe Microsoft Word *IS* a virus
Reply - I don't believe that Word is a virus. Viruses are consistent,
well-supported, inexpensive, not predatory toward other viruses, not
announced with fanfare, and are not forced upon PC manufacturers. However, below are some other viruses that are real threats.
Jane Fonda Virus
Bill Clinton Virus
Congressional Virus #1
Oprah Winfrey virus
AT&T Virus
MCI Virus
Politically Correct Virus
Ross Perot Virus
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
Ronald Reagan Virus
Government Economist Virus
Federal Bureaucrat Virus
Freudian Virus
PBS Virus
Jimmy Hoffa Virus
LAPD Virus
O.J. Virus
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 300MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, and then slowly expands to 200MB.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Deletes all old files.
Titanic virus: Your whole computer goes down.
Disney virus: Everything in your computer goes Goofy.
Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.
Joey Buttafuocco virus: Only attacks minor files.
Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Viagra virus: Turns your 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive.
Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?
Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.
I'd install windows, but I'd kinda like to have programs, too.
KEYBOARD : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?
USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
Keyboard not connected, press "F1" to continue.
Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a FAX?
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Every time I type 'win', I loose ...
Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Error message: Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
Windows 98 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Hit any user to continue.
RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Smith & Wesson: The origional point-and-click interface.
Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.
'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
WYGIWYD -What you got is what you deserved.
WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get.
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
Computer support call(Forwarded by Katsuey)
EMPLOYEE: Computer assistant, "may I help you?"
Engineering jokes may be found at Engineering Humour.
You are an Internet Addict when....
Found by Douglas Holmes, an admitted Internet addict (he's getting help)
1.) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
Bill Gates Arrives
This story comes courtesy of Cheryl van der Eerden(Sept 9, 1998), a great friend in Canada.
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner
with God. During dinner He told them:
"I have two very bad news items for you:
1. God really exists, and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
1. The good news is: God really does exist, and
2. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
"I have two fantastic announcements:
1. I am one of three most important people on earth, and
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."
Computer Support Forwarded by Katsuey
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech
support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in
front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
is working fine."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk
for me?"
Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having
problems: the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed
strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walked her through
the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I
asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As the paper
started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me.
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division
for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would
print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are
cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan
and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine
except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the
customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my
coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours
of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in
to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece
of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"
And another user was all confused about why the cursor always
moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also
complained that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very
embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail
pointed away from her.
A friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed
a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her
arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15
minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was
impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she
replied "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!
Communicating With Your Engineer (Found by Dale)
What They Really Mean
(We are still guessing at this point.)
(We sat down and had coffee together.)
(We just hired three punk kids out of school.)
(It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)
(We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
(Unbelievable, it actually worked!)
(The only guy who understood the thing quit.)
(It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)
(Forget it! We have enough problems already.)
(Let's spread the responsibility for this.)
(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)
(We can't wait to hear your bull.)
(Come to my office, I've screwed up again.)
(Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
(Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)
(Rugged, but more so)
(Slightly lighter than rugged)
(One finally worked)
(Achieved when the power switch is off.)
(Impossible to fix)
(Nearly impossible to fix)
(I'm too lazy to write it down.)
(That's the way we have always done it!)
(I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)
What Word Book Should I Read?
This item is an actual post that comes from a 1998 listserv to which I belong. Dick Johns provided a brief, but hilarious response.
The poster wrote - "Well, the die has been cast and management has decided to
"upgrade" our WP6.0a/W31 systems to MS Office97/W98. (As
a WP power user, my personal thoughts on this shall
remain private! Grin )"
djohns@loop.com
Viruses
On a listserv to which I belong, a poster commented that he thought Microsoft *was* a virus. I commented that I didn't think so and explained.
Attacks your hard drive's FAT
When cornered by virus software, admits its transgression and asks to be allowed to continue roaming your hard drive
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back
Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg
Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.
Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money
Your programs can never be found again
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it
Viruses Provided By An Unnamed Contributor
Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
Computer One-Liners
Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
Reportedly a true story. We're not sure.
CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my computer"
EMPLOYEE: "What sort of trouble?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
EMPLOYEE: "Went away?"
CUSTOMER "They disappeared."
EMPLOYEE "Hmmm - So what does your screen look like now?"
CUSTOMER "Nothing."
EMPLOYEE "Nothing?"
CUSTOMER "It's blank; It won't accept anything when I type."
EMPLOYEE "Are you still using the your word-processor, or did you get out?"
CUSTOMER "How do I tell?"
EMPLOYEE "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
CUSTOMER "What's a sea-prompt?"
EMPLOYEE "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the
screen?"
CUSTOMER "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything
when I type."
EMPLOYEE "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUSTOMER " What's a monitor?"
EMPLOYEE "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUSTOMER "I don't know."
EMPLOYEE "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUSTOMER "Yes, I think so."
EMPLOYEE "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall."
CUSTOMER "Yes it is."
EMPLOYEE "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUSTOMER "No."
EMPLOYEE "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."
CUSTOMER "Okay, here it is."
EMPLOYEE "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the
back of your computer."
CUSTOMER "I can't reach."
EMPLOYEE ""Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUSTOMER "No."
EMPLOYEE "Even if you maybe put your knee o something and lean
way over?"
CUSTOMER "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark"
EMPLOYEE "Dark?"
CUSTOMER "Yes - the office light is off and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
EMPLOYEE "Well, turn the lights on then."
CUSTOMER "I can't."
EMPLOYEE "Why not?"
CUSTOMER " Because there's a power outage."
EMPLOYEE "A power...A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked
now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in?"
CUSTOMER "Yes"
EMPLOYEE "Cool. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer "Really, Is it that bad?"
EMPLOYEE "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUSTOMER "Well, all right then, I suppose - What do I tell them?"
EMPLOYEE "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."